I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
