Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
