Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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