i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
