so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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