I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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