i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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