so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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