Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
