He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
