i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
