Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
