Nicole vs. Life
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
