just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
