so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
