really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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