My nipple is on Facebook.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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