so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want her autograph on my taint
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
