My cat gives me a boner
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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