I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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