the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
