So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize