im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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