Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
