make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
