pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
