I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
