I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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