You really coming over, don't trick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So many bounce houses so little time
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
