When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
