So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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