What a fucking waste of an outfit
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
