She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
