the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
