Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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