I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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