did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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