he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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