why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize