Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
