walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
