32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
