I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
