I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Blood and glitter go together right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
