I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
