Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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