Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
