Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
