I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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