Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
