This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
