As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
