I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
