this beer tastes like vomit already
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
