It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
