Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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