Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
