We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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