dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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