yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
