He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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