When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
