I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
