I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
