I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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