Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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