i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
