i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dicks are not precious.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
